GRADE 9

20/06/09: Thanks for a great year, everyone!

***

New quotes will now be added at the top, for your viewing pleasure ;)

Love, Maleika and Madeleine.

(Twelfth Night summative essay)
"Throughout the play, Sir Toby demonstrates that he is a red-necked poltergeist."
-Tony

(presenting character from 'Of Mice and Men')
"Tell us about Candy."
(awkward pause)
"His...name is Candy?"
(another pause)
"I just LOVE working with gifted students!"
-Mr. Hodgson, Eric Chi

"C'est quoi l'histoire des Etats-Unis?"
"Lots of wars!"
"Commonwealth!"
"Blooooood!"
"They drink TEA!"
Mme Bigras, A Bunch of Random People, Mo

"Est-ce que tu peux loud it?"

-Adrian, in an attempt to ask the teacher to raise the volume.

"EW! He's got a really small dick!"

-pause-

"It's not size that matters."

- Alex B, Ms. Ceci-Ward

"Guys, shut up, shut up, the pregnant pause is having a baby!"

-Maleika

"What would happen if someone knifed the smartboard?"

-Karl

"Yeah, so I'm half Malaysian, half Irish, half Scottish, half Greek, half Russian, and half German!"
"And about a quarter accountant, I see."
-Taylor, Eric

"Pssst! Come here! I have a secret for you!"
"No, you're just going to slap me again! Like you did the last two times!"
"No I'm not! For real!"
"Okay, okay. Fine. (leans in) What?"
"I've got a snake in my trousers (long pause)...I call it my trouser-snake."
-Maleika, Madi

"Jacob, you're such a fatty!"
-Jane D.

"Clive and Nathan, just go on a date or something."
-Mme Bigras

(one week before exams)
"I hope you're all familiar with these concepts. At the beginning of every verb clause--"
"What's a clause?"
(long pause)
"Are you...joking?"
"I...I might be!"
-Mr. Hodgson, Dmitri

(to Sra. Franklin)
"Are you Italian?"
-Ameen

(Mr. Hodgson rings bell)
"Time's up!"
"Yeah, I'll have a pizza and a coke!"
"THE HELL YOU WILL!!!"
Mr. Hodgson, Roy

"Regarde! Je pleure, je pleure! Voila une larme! Regarde, une larme!"
-Mme Bigras

"Admitting it is the first step, Vidhant...and then comes taking those perscription medications."
-Mr. Hodgson

"What if you made a...a...hole, all the way through the earth, and jumped in?"

-Luca

"Isn't it because they used to be like, really really hot, and they still haven't cooled down?"

- Taylor, about why planets are warm inside.

"I hear male babies can make milk...is that true?"

"Is that from Family Guy too?"

"No....'Friends.' "

- Taylor and Mr. Wright

"Spring is in the air! And the question is, to have sex, or not to have sex?"

-Mr. Wright

"I'm a little kid, listen to my little kid voice!"

-Eric

"I read somewhere that we're in an ice age right now...Is that true?"

-Adrian

"So hair's just crap on your head?"

-Owen

"It's not even monogamous turtle sex, it's a huge flopping orgy! And I have to explain it to my kids!"

-Mr. Wright

"So you get kicked out of the Olympics, because you're actually a male. What a drag!"

-Mr. Wright

"So do heart transplants work then?"

"They give you drugs to suppress your immune system, and-"

"They basically GIVE YOU AIDS!".

-Owen, Mr. Wright, and Tony

"I SAW THE POPE! He was just being the pope, and then he started speeching!"

-Sisi

"It's summer!...I'm shedding."

-Jillian

"...Only if you're in that environment where you chow woolly mammoth blubber once a month while watching Dr. Phil."

-Mr. Wright

"The mean fat people are really abusive!"

-Sisi

"I try and show concern, and you call me a necrophile!"

-Taylor

"If you lack social skills, asexual reproduction is the one for you!"

-Mr. Wright

"Those of you who are waiting on your mothers to come, well, they're not coming, and you're not leaving!"

-Mme Bigras, I think.

(about Facebook)
"The greatest information-delivery and communication network in the history of mankind, the pinnacle of internet technology, and it's being used to discuss fish sex."
-Eric

"Hi Owen!"
"Oh...hi...Maleika."
"I saw you at the dance last night!"
"HA HA, very funny."
"Umm...that wasn't really a joke..."

"I'm all legs."
-Alex R.

"The Indians [Native Americans] need to, like, get over it."
-Mikeala

(to Madi)
"Ah, Eric. Your knight in shining grey golf shirts."

-Maleika

(about not being able to hire a lawyer)

"So? Just hire an avocado!"

-Jillian [take French if you don't understand this!]

"Ling? C'est mon 'liver'."

-Adrien

"My kingdom for some chalk!"

"I have a kingdom! It's in Malaysia."

"Let me guess...it's a cheap knockoff."

-Madi, Taylor, Jack

"So, may we jack it from the jacket?"

-Jae

"You are a celebrity...you are...MARTIN LUNN!"

-Mr. Hodgson

"[His] face is all red. Maybe he's...FLUSHED WITH AROUSAL!
-Jillian

(to Alex O.)
"Did your voice finally drop?"
-Jane D.

"But I know all the concepts perfectly, why should I have to do all the homework too?!"
"If you know all the concepts, then why is your average so dismal?"
- Chris R. and Ms. Martino

(about IN CLASS English summative)
"Screw it! Screw the rules! Take it home! I have too much paper in my life anyways!"
-Mr. Hodgson

"So, basically, there was a dead turtle, all curled up in its shell, and-"
"Did you kill it then?"
"Did I...kill...the dead turtle?"
"...Yeah."
"Taylor, if you ever have a good question in my class, feel free to ask it."
-Mr. Wright, Taylor
(Honorable mention to Sisi, who yelled "Shawg!!" right after)

"In some places, they gave the Native Americans infected blankets."
"Wow, what DOUCHES!"
-Mme Bigras, Clive L.

"I wish to engage in lechery with you, dear woman. Come by and by to my room. It'll be most lecherous."
-Roy

"To copulate-"
"What does copulate mean?"
"Intercourse. Fornication. Sex."
"Go on."
"I can't really, without breaking into my arsenal of swear words."
- Mr. Wright and Owen.

"So basically, the vagina connects the uterus to the outside world..."
"Like the internet!"
- Mr. Wright and Maleika

(above quotes are more recent)

"Le Bescherelle, c'est le bible du diable!"
-M. Derry

"Yo, touch that and I swear to God..."
"Hey! You swear to God and he swears right back!"
-Janan Balachandran, Luca Mera

"Sexual reproduction rocks!"
-Mr. Wright

"Psst! Hey Maleika! Your hair looks especially curvy today!"
-Masa Lauriault

"How do you say goodbye to someone [in Spanish] if you're not going to see them for a month?"
"With hugs and kisses!"
-Sra. Franklin, Masa Lauriault

"Oh, sacred Tabernacle!"
-Alex Okuda-Rayfuse

(about a pink balloon) "Was that a purple balloon when you blew it up?"
-Alex Stothart

"Deep down, all men are like me...except less handsome."
-Taylor Stinson

"Stefan, do your weird, commando-strategizing things at lunch, please."
-Mr. Wright

"You...you frick!"
-Adrian Beschard

"Being with Morgan is a lifestyle choice."
-Catherine Guo

"So, if acid rain falls on your magnesium airplane, you won't have an airplane much longer!" "Yes, but you'll still have comfy seats!"
-Mr. Wright, Alex Stothart

"Brendan! You are PISSING me off today!"
-Sra Franklin

"So that's your brother?"
"Yeah."
"Your brother's a hamster?"
-Colin Champagne

"Now let me tell you something: no self-respecting moth is going to enter a house with mothballs in it."
-Mr. Wright

"Life is a team sport. Unless you're a little bacteria single-spore thingy."
-Mr. Wright

"So if you have no brain, you won't be very smart."
-Mr. Wright

"Masa, is there something wrong with your leg?"

"Is there something wrong with your face?"

-Sra Franklin and Masa

"Would you guys ever...you know... hop a border?"

"Are you kidding?! How do you think I got here!"

-Maleika and Jack Krentz

"Can anyone tell my why my hair is sticking up?"

"Because its lost electrons so its lighter?"

"Well, I feel lighter! *dances around* Maybe because I'm on the Activia fourteen day challenge!"

- Mr. Wright and Taylor Stinson

"Wow, this school really needs an escalator!"

"You just need to be in better shape. Like Taylor!"

"Please Stinson! I can run faster than you!"

"Meh."

"Have you been on the Activia Fourteen Day Challenge?!"

- Taylor Stinson, Maleika, and Mr. Wright

"MADI! I WROTE A SONG!"

"Oh lord."

- Maleika and Madi. I think.

(checking homework for Sra Franklin) "What is this? 'Pelo tiene cafe azul?' Pero esto'...you know what? This is disgusting. No tareas!"
-Masa

"Sad face!"
-Mr. Creelman

"Face it: bacteria is the dominant species." "Ah! Giant amoebas from hell!"
-Mr. Wright, Alex Okuda-Rayfuse

"Cual es tu estacion preferida?" [What's your favourite season?]
"Umm...mi estacion preferida es...el...'TVO Kids'."
-Sra Franklin, Jane D.

"A cafeteria is not only for drinking beer and...and...getting drunk!"
-Sra Franklin

"Hello Kitty and Japan are like pizza and cheese; one can't live without the other."
"Or like Adrien and Andy Roddick."
-Alex O-R, Maleika

"Seriously, it's like a really long book! It's like a hundred pages long!"
-Sisi Ye

"Just listen to what I write!"
-Mr. Creelman

"And you know what else? My throat hurt all weekend! And it's your fault because I had to shout so that you would listen to me!"
"Well you know what? MY throat didn't hurt at all. You know why? BECAUSE YOU WOULDN'T LET ME GET A WORD IN EDGEWISE!!!"
-Madi, Sandro Young

"Why are you ALWAYS picking on me?"
"It wouldn't ALWAYS happen if you weren't ALWAYS talking!"
Mr. MacDonald (MackeyD), Maleika

"My older sister used to be older than me...and she still is! Say, do you have a hair elastic?"
-Patrick Burpee

"The disadvantage of sex--"
"THERE'S A DISADVANTAGE?"
-Mr. Wright, Alex O.R.

"Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, the amazing pe-do-phile!"
-Catherine Guo

"So...are you aethiest or agnostic?"
"Agnostic. Actually, I'm just really, really lazy."
-Madi, Taylor Stinson

(presenting) "So, supposing that a program does something and then says 'do me again'!"
-Sandro Young

"Do you watch the news? Well you know how sometimes they're interviewing someo--"
"Barack Obama?"
"No. You know when they're--"
"John McCain?"
"NO. You know sometimes--"
"Sarah Palin?"
"PLEASE stop interrupting! You know how when they're interviewing a reporter and a bomb blows up, killing lots of people--"
(Carl giggles hysterically)
-Mr. Wright, Carl

"Who are Phil and Roy?"
-Adrien (two weeks into 'Jeanne, fille du Roy'

(about starfish) "So when they're growing back their arms...they must eat soup or something."
-Mr. Wright

"Nobody's ever tried to use asexual reproduction on people."
"What if you cut off a baby's head and watched for what grows in its place?"
Mr. Wright, Alex S.

"Like all of the constellations, I think they were smoking medicinal plants when they came up with these..."
-Mr. Wright

"You might look up at the sky and think 'Aren't we lucky to have the MANLIEST star out there."
-Mr. Wright

"Do you ever skip class?"
"Are you kidding me? That's like asking whether the grass grows! Which it does."
-Arkady and Tony Canadian

"JUST TRANSLATE IT FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!"
-Sra Franklin

"Ew! Watching Morgan and Sandro fondle each other is so gross!"
"Wow, hypocrite much?"
-Ben Wilkinson-Zan, Morgan Williams

"TELL ME I'M NOT CONTROLLING!!!"
-Maleika

"Passing notes in class? That is SO grade nine."
Mr. Creelman

"When you're pregnant, you can still find courage from unexpected places. Like your ammiotic fluit."
-Alex O.R.

"So this is my presentation on Rene Descartes. I did it with Garrett, but...um...he's not here today, so..."
"Oh...I guess Garrett isn't feeling well today."
"No, actually, I think he's on vacation."
-Martin Lunn, Mr. Creelman

(making fun of a Stephen Hawking video) "So if you meet your anti-matter twin, don't touch him or you will both disappear! Ha! [pause] Ha! [pause] Ha!"
-Alex O.R.

"What if you lie? By accident?"
-Sisi Ye

"Gregorio, work with us! It's very educational!"
"I know, but--"
"PLEASE, Gregorio!"
"Thanks, but I prefer to work alone."
"No! Gregoriooooooooooooooo! [long pause] Is it your birthday soon?"
"Not until May 16th."
"Are you having a party?"
"No, I never--"
"CAN I COME, GREGORIO?"
(etc.)
-Sisi Ye, Gregory V.

"I have no life. During lunch yesterday, I spent a good 10 minutes just chanting the line 'I am a starfish' with different tunes, over and over and over again."
"Wow. Who's that song by again?"
-Madi and Ben W-Z

"The other class seems to have gone straight from chemistry to reproduction, skipping astronomy. I guess they like sex more than stars."
-Mr. Wright

"Is John Lennon the one who sings 'Waitin' On the World to Change?"
-Pria Ahuwalia

"There are five distinct groups in the cafeteria: the people doing their homework at the last minute, the magic card players, the Chris Angel wannabes, wherever the hell Masa is, and everybody else."
-Taylor Stinson

"So David, if you wanted to expland your surface area and dramatically decrease your body heat and activity, you could be a plant."
-Mr. Wright

"Are you groovy with this?"
-Mr. Wright (repeatedly)

"Marie doit se rendre à Ville-Marie pour...pour se marier."
-Alex S.

(after assignment of Spanish regions/countries for project) " 'Ceuta'? I wanted a country!"
"Or at least a region of more than ten square kilometers."
Madi, Gregory

(about Dale and Bryana in grade eight, to Bryana) "Well, your parents were bound to find out. I mean, all they'd have to do would be just look in the Nathional Geographic: 'Local Girl Dates Sasquatch!'"
-Alex O-R

"Do, you--YOU! Feel like we do (come on, that's right now)!"
-Peter Frampton

(to Alex Stothart) "And just how long were you planning to wallow in ignorance for?"
-Mr. Wright

"A motel in Montreal: that's where most turtle porn takes place."
-Mr. Wright

"A thing I like about the cafeteria is that there's no such thing as an awkward silence."
"True. Instead, there's just an awkward ambient backround noise."
-Madi, Sandro

"Do you want to play mini-survivor, Bryana? Peel, my orange!"
"Do you want to play mini slave labour, Bryana?..."
-Madi, Sandro

"If I was tall, I'd just be another Taylor Stinson! I get away with things because I'm small and adowabwe!"
-Alex O.R.

"Woah, did you know that Chile has four seasons? That's a lot of seasons!"
-Ben W-Z

"...and by everyone, I mean me."
-Taylor

"Where can I observe Meiosis?"
"In your testicles. [long, awkward pause] It would hurt."
David Wilson, Mr. Wright

"Peopwe have got to stop making fun of Steven Hawpew! It's a faiw countwy, and NOBODY desewves to be buwwied!"
-Alex Brandts-Longtin

"I reeeeeeeally want to have Mr. Derry. Seriously, I want him so bad."
-Bryana van Leeuwen
[taking things out of context is half the fun!]

(about Stephen Colbert) "He has really cute eyes."
-Mark Xue

"You're not David, you're a mobile population of bacteria."
-Mr. Wright

"Daphne's angry at me for something I said yesterday."
"I've noticed that Daphne gets angry at you for things you say a lot. And I have an idea: maybe if you just stop talking to her, she won't get angry at you anymore!"
-Alex Okuda-Rayfuse, Alex Stothart

"Was question M for homework?"
"Yes."
"Shit, I for--"
"Patty, you have a choice ahead of you: you can either keep going down the same failing track that you're going down now, or you can do something with your life!"
"Hey! I'm s--I'm succ--I'm suss--suee--susseeding...I'm succeeding!"
"Not at English, I see."
-Patrick Burpee, Alex O.R.

"You...umm...you know how sometimes you see fish that have little fungi on their fins? Well in that case, you say 'Oh, my fishies are ill!' and you go down to the pet store to buy them lots of antibiotics. (pause) Like, seriously, just buy new fish."
Mr. Wright

"When I bought 'Steven Hawking's Universe', I couldn't get enough of it. I watched it for six straight hours. I was like a crack junkie on theoretical physics."
-Mr. Wright

(about Owen's saxaphone solo) "Well this is certainly a jazzy little tune."
-Catherine

"Qui n'a pas reçu une copie du livre 'Zone'?"
"Uh...moi."
"Nathan...alors pourquoi as-tu écrit ton nom ET le nombre de ton livre sur la liste?"
"Uh...I made it up."
-Mme Constantin, Nathan Quinn

(presenting) "Yeah...so who's a famous person from Bolivia?"
"Nathan Quinn!"
"Well YEAH, but..."
-Nathan, Sisi Ye

(about Geoff Scott) "He doesn't realize that we're not laughing WITH him, we're laughing AT him."
-Mikeala Davis-Dominico

"Alex! Point boni...or my friendship!"
"DEFINITELY a point boni!"
-Janan Balachandran, Alex S.

"Eric, I'm afraid to tell you that your chewy bar has been contaminated with very dangerous drugs that will kill you if you eat it."
"Ben, I'm not falling for that one."
"No, seriously, you should give it to me right now."
"I've already EATEN one today."
"Well, then, you should go to the hospital immediately, you could drop dead any second now. Quick, give me your chewy bar and run!"
"If I'm going to die, I might as well just eat another one then."
-Ben W-Z, Eric Chi

"Ilana, please come with me to Mikeala's house after school, I need to get my pants [laughter] It's not what you think!"
-Sisi

"Janan, your story brought tears to my eyes...while I was yawning."
-Jacob Haldorson

"So...any questions about the test I just handed back?"
"Yes. Can I get a higher mark?"
-Mr. Creelman, Taylor

"I mean, in real life, strong has to be pretty strong, otherwise it's weak."
-Mr. Creelman

"Arkady! Are you gonna be sorry when I'm not too lazy to get up and go over there!"
-Liam

"So I hope you like English...otherwise...you're screwed."
-Mr. Hodgson [first day of semester two)

(Maleika is trying to convince him to eat a 'vegetarian' cookie) "Did you know that in Ancient Greece, 'vegetarian' was a synonym of 'bad hunter'?
-Nick Rogers

(in seductive voice) "Hi...my name is Dolores."
"That's a pretty sexy name."
"Well you're a pretty sexy boy, Adrien."
-Janan, Adrien

"Being stupid is actually...kind of fun!"
-Clive Littlejohn

"Wait, what's this about skinny kids?"
"Hey, look who's talking!"
"Alex, he IS talking!"
-Clive, Alex O.R., Janan

"I'll complete all the ninja challenges I can over the weekend. But I can't make four ninja stars in ten minutes when I'm not in your presence. And I can't climb the gym wall while not in your presence. And I can't lose all my body fat in two days."
"Who told you to do that?"
"Vincent Dragnea."
-Max Besner, Mohammed

"I have a pretty rough weekend ahead of me...I need to find a gypsy, lose some weight, do some pushups and phone Jenny Craig."
-Max

"Stop saying 'frankly', it keeps distracting me!"
(pause)
"Frankly, Frank, I don't give a damn."
-Frank, Mr. Hodgson

"I don't read. Reading's for squares."
-Max

"Translators earn a better starting salary than teachers."
(loudly) "Yeah, well that's not saying much!"
-Mme Bigras, Alex O.R.

"It wasn't me! I swear on my uncompleted homework!"
-Dmitri Gvorzdev

(giving example of a simple sentence and writing it on the board)
" 'Ziyi...insulted...my...mother'...HOW DARE YOU!!!"
-Mr. Hodgson

(giving a book report) "Another reason that you should read this book is that it would be really surprising and, um, intriguing...if I hadn't already ruined the ending for you."
-Daniel Wilson

(after seeing Morgan's e-mail account) "I've never seen an obsessive-compulsive person in their natural habitat before. It's fascinating."
-Christine Heighton

"Alex Okuda, voice of a nation!"
-Mme Bigras

"Sonja's still concerned about your lack of breasts, okay?"
-Mr. Hodgson

"Daniel, I trust you: go get me a drink. [hands him two dollars] You can keep the change."
"BOY, FETCH ME AN OLIVE!"
-Taylor, Eric Stewart

"You should kick him in his face."
"We don't all share the same fetishes, Alex."
-Alex K., Maleika

"Bridget, your assignment?"
"I e-mailed it to you."
(cutting in) "Oh yeah, don't you have a problem with your printer?"
"Yes. I don't have one."
Mr. Hodgson, Bridget, Kendall Wen

"I make babies cry!"
-Mme Bigras

"Why did you turn to Taylor on the first day of second semester and say 'You smell like cod'?
"Because he has the odour of one...who works...in a cod fishery...and spends all day...gutting cod."
-Maleika, Eric S.

"When I really, really want something, I take my shirt off. You'd be surprised at how many gay guys there are out there."
-Jack Krentz

"World War One was the one with the Nazis, right?"
-Mikeala D-D

(Making fun of the above) "Yeah, WWI was in 1860, with the Nazis. The Nazi's were so stupid! Putting all those black people into camps because they couldn't concentrate!"
-Anonymous

"I can't ski, I'm not aerodynamic enough!"
-Jacob

"Colin, we're about as tight as Masa's pants."
-Luca Mera

(to someone else) "Chris Renaud would be lucky to get a girl like you."
"Chris Renaud would be lucky to get a girl."
-Maleika, Taylor

(asking for the fifth time) "Are we going to watch the documentary tomorrow?"
"Yes. First we are going to have a grammar test, then a thorough beating...and then the movie. [losing it] Honestly, if you keep asking, there will BE no bloody documentary!"
-Mr. Hodgson

"I DID have sexual intercourse with her!"
-Eric Chi

(blogging) "Then we went to to Rideau (AGAIN), where Madi, Jack, Taylor and I (AGAIN) sat in the food court (AGAIN) and played truth (AGAIN)...every girls' suspicions are now confirmed: fourteen-year-old boys may possibly be the horniest things on the planet, besides caribou."
-Maleika

(Imitating Sisi in a high-pitched voice) "I'm SMART!"

- Sandro

(After walking up five flights of stairs)

"Oh my god, we NEED to use the elevator next time."

"We don't...have an elevator. Why don't you just get in better shape?"

"I'm in better shape than you!"

"I CAN RUN FASTER THAN YOU!"

"Because Maleika took the Activia 14 Day Challenge!"

- Taylor, Maleika, and Mr. Wright

"Yo, can I borrow a sheet of paper?"

"Taylor, take a look at my shirt. Take a long look. Do you, do you see anything on it? Do you see a nametag that says 'YOUR BITCH' on it?"

- Taylor and Eric S.

"YEAH, so he wrote that really long creepy letter, and the end he was like "I think I might have enjoyed writing this more than you enjoyed reading it!" And then, obviously, we were like 'EW!'"

"Well, I'm willing to bet he wrote it one-handed..."

- Maleika and Eric S.

(Studying for a Chemistry test) "Kay, so are metalloids ductile?"

"YES!"

"NO! You're so stupid."

"What, I was kidding!"

- Maleika and Taylor

"Can I call you 'Big H'?"
"Hmm...you may call me 'Mr. H' if you really want to. On the other hand, 'The Big H', 'H Dawg', and 'H Bomb', all names I have been called in the past...you may not use."
"Why not, though? Because you're kind of big...(long pause)...horizontally..."
"Well, Sonja, I think that was an...excellent demonstration of political correct--"
"...FAT!"
-Martin Lunn, Mr. Hodgson, Sonja

"I need to go home, I have...a female problem."
"Yay, me too!"
"Taylor, liking boys is not a 'female problem'!"
-Maleika, Taylor

(when doing an assignment that involves choosing a character from To Kill a Mockingbird and associating them with an object)
"So, you're saying that Calpurnia resembles a Swiss Army Knife because she's good at...?"
"Disciplining the children."
-Mr. Hodgson, Eric C.

(same assignment as above)
"I'm choosing Miss Maudie because she's like a lane cake: she's sweet and fierce."
-Kendall Wen

(after Maleika has been complaining about an ant infestation)
"You need to become one with the ants! That's what we do in Manotick."
-Jack

(reviewing for science test)
"So metals are really good at conducting heat...but really bad at conducting electricity?"
"TAYLOR, ARE YOU A F***ING IDIOT?"
-Taylor and Alex Stinson

"Go do whatever you did was so important."

-Madi

(In an extremely loud voice) "WAIT, so you don't ACTUALLY like boys?!"

- Maleika

(and then Jack blushed)

"So, have you or have you not EVER made out with a boy?!"

"He he he he"

- Maleika, Jack, and creepy he-she.

"I want the title for your essay to be eye-catching, but relevant. For example, you can't use the title 'Sex' and then put exclamation marks after it, although that would certainly catch my eye. Hmm. 'Sex and Mockingbirds', perhaps."
-Mr. Hodgson

"She's totally pulling a 'liberated lumberjack.' I mean, plaid? Who wears that (other than my dad)?"
-Bryana van Leeuwen

(on the chalkboard) "Ms. Szeles, yur a great drama teacher. April Fool's!"
-Taylor

"Yay, une incendie!"
-Mme Landry

"You've aroused my curiosity--and that's not all you've aroused."
-Morgan Williams

(talking about congenital defects)
Ms. Isaac: "...it's something that happens in the birth canal."
Alex S: "Oh, I get it! ConGENITAL!"
Class: "Ewww!"
Alex S: "No! I meant genes, really!"

"Now, the reproductive cycle in men is sort of straightforward, but the female cycle is far more stimulating."
-Mr. Wright

(explaining how to calculate electricity)
"...so if you had a test out of 25 000 points and got 900 right, that'd be 3.6%, and you'd be a relatively dim lightbulb."
-Mr. Wright

"Why is it H2O?! It should be O2H. That would be so much better!"

- Taylor Stinson

"I love calories! Do vegetables have calories?"

- Sisi

"Best friends forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever!"

"Yeah! BFFAEAEAEAEAE!"

"Wait, what's the AE for?!"

- Alex S. and Josh

"I forget...what's Alzheimer's?"
-Sean Zhang

"I shall be your mentor into womanhood..."

- Let them remain unnamed ;)

(Reading) "Haha, Plot Menu! Ahh, I have no idea what I'm saying."

- Alex S

(At Maleika, while she struggles to close a window)

"HA HA!"

"Hey, I may not have cleared closing the window, but at least I cleared five feet."

- Alex O and Maleika

"Shut up, I'm twelve foot vertical!"

- Alex O (oh, the irony)

"I have a very intuitive...intuition."

- Ms. Martino

(About bus pass pictures)

"Haha, I bet they edit it specifically so you look like a pedo!"

"Yeah! Like a BABY KILLER!"

- Maleika and Bryana

"An optometrist wouldn't own a big building just to see eyes!"

- Kirk, indignantly (you had to be there.)

"For your pleasure! Do you like oil, Jeff!?"

- Ms. Ceci-Ward, terribly out of context.

"Nobody likes basketball!"

"You mean nobody under five feet likes basketball!"

- Alex O and Alex S

(on a very snowy day in the middle of April)
"April showers bring may flowers...april snow...kills the flowers."
-Eric C.

"What if you forgot to breathe one day and blamed it on TV?"
-Carl

(after Taylor explains about his ancestry for the third time that day)
"Everybody shut up...just listen...be very quiet...(long silence)...hear that? That's the sound of nobody giving a shit!"
-Eric S.

"Megan Souter has problems."
-Ms. Szeles

"Do we LOOK like guys who girls line up for to give BJs to?"
-Alex Rochon

(about a garbage can)
"It was wet in there!"
"Heh heh...that's what I said!"
-Alex K.

"You're Muslim and you're in pain."
-Ms. Szeles

"Madame, Chad a volé le flag de Roumanie! C'est disgusting!"
-Vincent Dragnea

"Have you come out of the closet yet?"
"In some ways...yes."
(silence)
"Uh...Chris, she was kidding."
-Maleika, Chris Angel, Stefan Walker

"You are going to put it in, and you are going to like it. Keep going! Stick your hair in! Stick your foot in!"
-Chris A.

"What class do you have?"
"Getting it in the mouth with Ms. Martino."
"What?"
"Math."
-Madi, Chris R.

"Thursday is the last day to hand the assignment in. I emphasize the 'dead' in 'deadline'.
-Mr. Hodgson

(to new student)
"Meet Sonja...I guess the drugs haven't kicked in yet."
-Mr. Hodgson

"Humans are genetically adapted to run, and chase, and throw rocks at woolly mammoths. But now we've changed our environment and we have other people do that for us, so we can sit at home on the couch and watch Dr. Phil."
-Mr. Wright

"But what if both staircases are blocked by fire?"
"Then we come back here and have a nice long safety shower."
-Some Kid in Science Class, Mr. Wright

"Let's talk about phrases and clauses!"
"My cat has claws."
"...Not that kind."
-Ms. Isaac, Alex S.

"I wish I was more bad-ass. Every night I pray to God: 'Please, God, make me more bad-ass... And let me get 100% on that Spanish test too.' "
-Madi

(reading example from Language Power)
Frank: " 'I thought about it, long and hard.' "
Kendall (giggling): "Hee hee...long...hard!"
(silence)
Sonja: "Well in any case, we know it's not yours!"

"Mr. Hodgson, are you a eunuch?"
-Sonja

Alex O: "A lawyer? Like, one who works in the law? Like, someone who does law for people? A lawyer?"
Waylon Smith: "YES, ALEX, A LAWYER!"
Ms. Szeles: "...freeze!"
Waylon: "Good LORD!"

"No hanky panky! Keep your dick in your pants, I don't need any complications!"
- Taylor's Mom

"I have an optometrist appointment today, so I get to leave early!"

"Again!?"

"No this the one for your teeth!"

- Taylor and Maleika

"Watching Watchmen is like being punched in the face by Stephen Hawking: It'll take too long, neither of you will enjoy it, and at the end of the day, you'll have a disquieting feeling that it was much smarter then you."
-Eric S.

"The funny thing is, most people actually do fall into stereotypical categories. Except for Taylor, I can't think of a category for him."
"How about the category of really big pervert?"
-Madi, Maleika

(upon seeing balloons brought back from co-prez assembly with 'Vote Mike!' on them)
"Oh dear. Has the political prostitution begun already?"
-Mr. Hodgson

"No, no. The devil's not literally pregnant. 'Woah, watch out, my spawn's a-comin' ' "
-Mr. Hodgson

"How do you beat sex?"
"You have a SUPER ORGY PORNO PARTY!!!"
(awkward silence)
-Jack, Meghan S.

(reading from Twelfth Night)
" 'It were a bad recompense for your love, to lay any men on you' [silence] No, wait! Any of THEM on you!"
"Oh good, I was wondering what you were suggesting."
-Martin Lunn, Roy S.

"Wait, wait. She's crazily in love with you and you gave her a hammer?"
"No, she took it from me! And my screwdriver, too!"
-Alex K., Jack

(talking to himself while trying to unscrew a locker)
"Oh, right! It's righty tighty, lefty loosey."
-Jack

"You know how I feel about things being thrown!"

"But weren't you a gym teacher?"

- Ms. Martino, Alex O.

(choosing books for book report)
"Thou'rt nothing but a scurvy braggart who deserveth not to read this book in advance of myself!"
-Roy

"Alex, what happened to puberty?"
"Tu ne fais pas la journée de silence, Jacob? Dommage..."
-Jacob and Mme Bigras

"I own a pair of capris. What are capris?"
-Taylor

"You're such ninjas..."
-Mme Bigras

"Vincent, ferme l'ordinateur. You're not working properly."
"But MADAME, they weren't working either!"
"They were reading 'Call of the Wild'!"
-Mme Bigras, Vincent D.

"Maleika, I don't think you're a tease."
"Aww, thank you!"
"I think you're a slut."
-Alex K., Maleika

"Where can I buy that movie?"
"The internet. Also known as free."
-Madi, Dmitri

"You were going to kill me!"
"Frank, I would never do that...[aside]...with so many witnesses."
-Frank, Bridget

(slams book in Adrien's face) "Please copy out the definition of the word 'redundancy' one hundred times for tomorrow!"

" Chris, what's Oklahoma's state motto? You know, what they put on the license plates."
" 'Nobody wants to live here.' "
-Madi, Taylor